June 17, 2008 08:56 PM by DA Southern
America’s Got Talent starts again with fresh talent,or so they think they are,and with Judges, Piers Morgan, who recently was the Donald Trump’s Apprentice, Sharon Osbourne and “The Hoff”, David Hasselhoff, as they, and America, find the next talent sensation in America and award them a cool million dollars and a gig in Las Vegas.
Jerry Springer opened the show with the litany of the cities where the talent will audition and ended by telling us that the winner will get that all important Las Vegas contract in addition to the million dollars.
New York was the first stop for auditions as we saw our first talent sensation, 53 year-old Bill Curlee singing Tom Jones and was immediately buzzed off by Hoff and Morgan. Jerry Springer then gave a look of desperation to the camera as the audience booed poor Bill incessantly. Funny stuff!
Many acts blurred past our eyes until we saw eighteen year-old, Nick Afanasiev, who did creepy things with his tongue. He should have blurred by as well! Many more acts were buzzed off the stage as “The Hoff” told the camera that “This is supposed to be America’s Got Talent,Where is it?”
Jerry Springer was strolling across the boulevard as he told of the hopes and dreams of New Yorkers and how everybody wanted to “Make it big.” We watched as many acts rehearsed their talent until we saw a budding trumpet player, Jonathan Arons, who, of course, said he was good. At this point, we definitely need someone good and, boy, he was entertaining as he danced funky and played the trumpet. The audience loved him and the judges, including Piers, loved him as well and sent him to the next round in Vegas.
Next talent hopefuls, Romanian twin sisters, who were very,uhh,”Sparkly,” performed as a singing group, Indiggo. The judges were merciful to them for about forty seconds before buzzing them off, but the girls finished anyway. Sharon actually said yes after the Hoff had said “No.” Under pressure from the audience, Piers relented and sent the girls through to Vegas.
The next showcase duo was a brother act from Queens called, “Nuttin’ But Stringz” and looked confident as they strode to the stage with their violins in tow. They put on a show as the rapping, bluesy, classical violin dynamic-duo put on a show for the judges and had no trouble getting their tickets to Vegas.
Several acts buzzed by the screen once again, only this time they were all heading to Vegas. I guess we have to have something to see in Vegas when the time comes. One group, Plastic Musik, percussionists with bright colored rods, wowed the judges as well did a group called, Jazmin, who did a classic 40′s tune, “Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy from Company C” and got their tickets to ride. New York was finally starting to produce.
The next funny act that would never see another stage was a very cute little eighty year-old lady, Mary Bly, who decided to share her amazing Tap Dancing with the world. Welcome to, “So You Think Old Folks Can Dance.” God bless her! Piers and the Hoff did buzz her, however, and Jerry Springer was worried that she would dance off the stage.
We then witnessed a brutal string of young acts that had their hopes dashed with the dreaded buzzer until we saw 4 year-old, Kaitlyn Maher, sweetly sing a song from the movie, American Tail, “Somewhere Out There.” I think we will see her on American Idol in about twelve years and she got herself a golden ticket to Vegas. Young Kaitlyn was the youngest person ever put through to Vegas as the judges were amazed at her ability especially of the tender age of four.
The auditions now move to Chicago to see if the Windy City would blow up any talent. There looked to be some bizarre talent acts from the mid-section of the country as we saw several acts warming up. A group of performing moms that danced as the, “Slippery Kittens,” were given a pass to Vegas by all of the judges as the Hoff and Piers were entranced by their burlesque dancing. Chicago was off to a great start that is for sure.
Unusual artist, Chey Vang, with an even more unusual guitar was as hideous as could be imagined when he finally started his guitar as was another guy who was a songwriter, then a bad Santa Clause,and then it got worse as the crowd turned on act after act and booed them from the stage. Wow, those folks in Chicago are a rough bunch.
Chicago was finally won over by a baton-twirling kid, Jonathan Burkin, who was the most incredible twirler you have ever seen. The judges, as well as the crowd, sent Jonathan to Vegas as the crowd jumped to their feet in approval as the sun set in Chicago.
Jerry announced that they were in LA for a peek of the talent that wishes they were big-time entertainers. A “Girl?” who looked like Britney Spears, strode to the stage to see if she could get a limo ride to Sin City. We found out that it was actually a guy who impersonates the pop diva and actually looked better than the lady herself. Piers had enough rather quickly with the buzz, but the Hoff and Sharon let him continue. Piers had the funniest line of the night when he said that Derek was a lot like Britney Spears, “A complete and utter train wreck!” Britney,Derek,actually got his ticket to Vegas even though Piers was not for it at all.
Cafidia Stuart, 15, came on briefly and knocked the socks off of everyone who was in earshot as the young talent poured out her heart and soul as did dancing crew, Sick Step, and both acts were headed to Vegas.
LA was bringing out the talent in droves as dancing jazz troupe, Dallas Dance Company, a group who all claimed to be dance teachers, stunk up the place as did about twenty other dance acts we saw in a row. They all could not win over the audience or the judges and were sent packing.
The final straw was a roller skating lady who was so bad that shoes across America were probably hitting the TV screens. Dancers, Extreme Dance FX, awed the crowd with their clogging, rapping, dance routine. Piers was critical of the group because of the outfits and buzzed them off, but Hoff, Sharon and the audience urged them to Vegas which Sharon and Hoff did. In the end, Piers relented and the troupe was headed to Vegas, sans the outfits Piers did not like.
In our final acts of the day, several acts were seen winning tickets to Vegas. The last contestant, insurance salesman Neil Boyd, came out to thrill with his operatic tunes and hopefully win one of the last tickets to Vegas from the LA auditions. The Hoff said that he was the frontrunner as the judges and the audience came out of their chairs before Neal E. Boydwas even close to finishing as he was awarded his ticket to Vegas.
Jerry said that he had never heard better in three seasons as the soft-spoken Neil was visibly moved to tears. What a tremendous way to end the first episode of what looks to be a great season of America’s Got Talent.
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