September 24, 2010 06:15 AM by Sarah_Monson
Tonight’s episode of The Real Housewives of DC was as deficient in entertaining content as Michaele is in body fat. It started with promise â€“ kooky Michaele grabbing her pom poms and showing the world just how bad a cheerleader she is (or never was). Claiming to be a former Washington Redskins football cheerleader from â€œsometime in the 80s,â€ as she put it, she attended a rehearsal for some event where it became painfully clear that the rhythm was not gonna get her anytime soon. Keep reading to hear what happened!
Stacie then hosted an ice cream party at her house, where the housewives in attendance could have learned a thing or two from their well-mannered, adorable children. What happened was, the ladies were all having a lovely time until Cat’s grating voice and English manners peeved Erika. Caveat: Is it just me, or does Cat sound like the Hidden Valley Ranch lady? Anyway, Erika, whose not even an official housewife, totally played her bitch card. Methinks this might have unwittingly been her audition for next season.Â Now that Michaele is not returning for season two, theyâ€™re gonna need to amp up the dramz, no?
Ericka laced into Cat, a woman she barely knows, while Mary sat on the couch looking drunk and/or catatonic whilst Stacie just sat their mortified that this exchange of words was happening in her happy home.
Cat got up to leave, but not before burdening her children with more emotional baggage than they should ever get at their age by crying all over them, only to be stopped by Stacie.Â She pleaded with Cat to stay, and it almost looked like it might work until Erika flew off the couch (grabbing her broomstick on the way) and attempted the worst apology in history, by saying Iâ€™m sorry, but not really.
Later, Maryâ€™s husband Rich – with his sarcasm and scruffy beard â€“ got steamrolled by his wife into letting Lolly, her sticky fingered 23 year-old daughter, live at home indefinitely. Mary just needs to make sure Lolly doesnâ€™t dust her mom for fingerprints to get the combo to her fancy closet lock. Such trust in that home!
The next day, celebrity stylist Paul Wharton hosted a meeting for marriage equality rights at council member David Cataniaâ€™s office. The usual suspects were present, including Cat, who blasted Erika with a cold shoulder the entire time. Mary showed her true colors after saying â€œgays donâ€™t affect herâ€ or something super ignorant, which of course the producers tried to turn into a super shocking plot point for this otherwise dull episode. Stacie also expressed her ignorance by drilling into the viewers heads that â€˜marriage is between and man and woman.â€™ Poor Paul, he and his fabu hair were piiissed. He declared that he couldnâ€™t be friends with people who didnâ€™t support this cause. So I guess Mary and Stacie will be doing their own hair now.
At dinner, Stacie reiterated her ignorance, but was still conflicted because that whole â€˜separate but equalâ€™ thing didnâ€™t work too well for her ancestors, so maybe it wouldnâ€™t work for her super cool gay friends either. (And, maybe she found out how hard her hair is to do).
Then, in an odd editing choice, we cut back and forth to Lydia and Paul giving their own recap of the event we JUST SAW three minutes ago, and back again to the three stooges, Mary, Stacie and Erika.
Meanwhile, Michaele happily floated along in her kooky little world, taking a meeting with Tareq about how they want to change Virginia laws so their winery will survive, thus allowing them to further scare friends when they visit.
Feeling a bit battered, Cat met up with her gay BFF and bitched about how awful the housewives of, not on the show, but of DC in general are, and chided her neighbors for doing ghastly and uncivilized things like walking their dog and cleaning up their poop.
Better lock youâ€™re your door Cat, Iâ€™m guessing your neighbors Tivo this show.
The episode ends with Michaele and Tareq visiting a writer with a cute southern accent to write a tell-all book about their messed up lives called Wine War and Roses. After feigning enthusiasm over that totally lame title, he dove right into the nuts and bolts of book publishing and explained how, when writing the book, they might actually have to write. Which is too bad, because Michaele made it pretty clear that she wasnâ€™t into that.
Would you buy that book? Iâ€™m sure the other housewives would be curious to know just how Michaele and Tareq have lasted so long in DC being such freaking weirdos.
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Photo Credit: Bravo