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The Bizarre Life Of A Reality TV Addict

November 02, 2010 04:49 PM by Vaughn Alaine-Marshall


We recently caught up with a Reality TV addict who can’t get enough of Reality TV. Samantha, who has a bizarre addiction to Reality TV addict, used to live a normal life away from sitting in front of the TV twelve hours a day now says she can’t live without it.

“Watching Reality TV is pretty much my life now,” said TV addict. Comparing her old life of family gatherings, hanging out with friends, engagement plans, working as a lawyer as completely boring. “My fiancé Ben did nothing but complain. He was constantly interrupting my viewing time with his mundane life… and to think I wanted to have octuplets with him.” Since ending her engagement plans and living a solitude life in front of the TV, Samantha says life couldn’t be better. Celebrity Reality TV shows are Samantha’s favorite brand of Reality TV.“The life of a celebrity is so much more fulfilling than mine,” she said excitedly.

Samantha’s new addition to her Reality TV family is Mel B’s “It’s a Scary World” which premiered recently on the Style network. The first episode was packed with plenty of drama as Mel B prepared to attend the premiere of Eddie Murphy’s new film ‘Shrek Forever After’, join a Pussycat Dolls dance show and then have dinner with her husband. “Mel’s life is so full on!” explains TV addict, “when she was in her therapists office bursting into tears, I just wanted to put my arm around her and tell her that everything is going to be okay – shame on you Eddie Murphy! You make me sick!” Asked if she ever watches the news Samantha said, “Oh no, I never watch the news… I don’t trust what they’re telling me. If I need to know what’s happening around the world I watch E News.”

Samantha has lost touch with friends and family recently. One family member who asked not to be named said Samantha is absolutely crazy and wants her to stop watching Reality TV in fear it will ruin her life. “She’s lost the plot…” ‘Jenny’ said wiping away tears, “Thanksgiving last year was the last time we saw Samantha. She acted so bizarre the entire day. She told several family members that they were “whores”, told Nanna and Pop that they were the “last to arrive” and therefore were “eliminated from the game” and then shut the door in their faces, and got everyone to weigh in when they arrived. When it came time to say ‘Grace’ she started yelling obscenities and flipped the table re-enacting a scene from The Real Housewives of New Jersey.” Hannah, who used to be Samantha’s secretary until she left the firm, said Samantha used to be a great person to work for until she started to watch Reality TV. “When I had my first baby last year I talked about how hard it is was,” explains Hannah, “Samantha got angry and said that I should stop complaining. She said if I had sextuplets like Kate Gosselin did then I would know what “hard” was.” Hannah continues, “She spent the next 2 hours talking about the Gosselin family – it was a nightmare!”

Taking a tour of Samantha’s home feels a little creepy and I just knew I had opened up a can of worms.“Gene Simmons Family Jewels funniest moment was when Gene got his hand super-glued to a vibrator. He was attending a wedding and I knew Shannon was going to find out. Oh boy, that Gene gets up to some crazy stuff.” “I have fallen in love with Giuliana and Bill. They are the sweetest couple on earth! I really feel for Giuliana and Bill trying to start a family. Don’t give up you guys… you’ll make wonderful parents.” Around Samantha’s dining room table are half body cut-outs of some of her favorite “Real Housewives” Teresa, Danielle, Caroline and Jacqueline whom she eats all her meals with. “I really love all ‘The Real Housewives’ but New Jersey is my favorite. I am going to miss Danielle Staub,” Samantha said while giving Danielle a hug. “I just hope we’ll get to see a lot more of her.”

Samantha takes me to one room that is filled with full body cut-outs of all the current Dancing With The Stars contestants.“I am so excited! I am rooting for Florence Henderson to take home the mirror ball trophy. I might end up with a huge cell phone bill but Florence… or ‘Mom’ as I call her, will be worth every dime.” Samantha’s love of Reality TV may seem abnormal to some but Samantha says while pointing the finger in a menacing way, “It’s not me, it’s you. You just let your readers know… The Situation is going to get ugly.”

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Photo credit: BRAVO

About the author:
Vaughn Alaine-Marshall is the author of the reality-based novel Überstar. Born in Sydney, Australia, Vaughn is a chiropractor who put a career in private practice on hold after four-and-a-half days to co-found the international publishing firm Hendlin Books. Based in Hamburg, Germany, Vaughn is bringing the vision of his firm’s two namesakes – Jimi Hendrix (HEND-) and Charlie Chaplin (-LIN) – into the publishing world. Vaughn’s debut novel, Überstar, is a groundbreaking exploration of reality-television as told by insider sources from the world’s biggest reality shows. For more information www.uberstarthebook.com.

Topics: Dancing With the Stars, Giuliana & Bill, Jon & Kate plus 8, Kate Plus 8, The Real Housewives Of New Jersey |

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