June 08, 2011 08:00 AM by Shayla Perry
We’ve all heard of comedian Jay Mohr before, but now that he’s giving his weekly insights into The Real Housewives of New Jersey for Bravo, suddenly, we’re starting to recognize his true talent. Though we normally wouldn’t devote an entire article to someone else’s blog, when something’s this good, we’ve just gotta share! So, we put together a list of some of Jay’s most hilarious, yet accurate, “musings” from this week’s Thanksgiving episode. From Joe Gorga’s mechanical bull-bouncy house surprise to Ashley’s stressful life; just try to get through it without cracking a smile!
Jay Mohr on Joe & Melissa Gorga’s trip to the supermarket:
“We have to give credit to the Bravo producers for realizing that they have a star on their hands and deciding to open the show with Joe Gorga (oh yeah, and Melissa) at the supermarket getting ready for Thanksgiving. Joe leaves the butcher counter holding a rump roast and tells the butcher, as he slaps the meat, ‘I’m an ass man!’ Oh, if ever there was a perfect place for comma. One comma would have made the same sentence even more beautiful and perfect. ‘I’m an ass, man!’”
“On the way to the market we hear Melissa say, ‘Let’s go get a turkey.’ Ordinarily I would have written, ‘You already have one sitting next to you in the car,’ but let’s face it, Joe Gorga is no turkey. He is a bright shining Thunderbird sent to us by the television gods.”
Jay Mohr on Vito’s degree from Fordham:
“[Vito] graduated from Fordham University and he is working at his parents’ deli slicing ham in the woods. Fordham tuition is $22,700 a year. By my calculation, that comes out to about forty-thousand salami and cheese sandwiches a week.”
Jay Mohr on Ashley’s oh, so stressful life:
“Ashley is wearing a cross from Madonna’s ‘Like A Prayer’ tour and the first freaking thing she says is, ‘I’m stressed.’ Me too, Ashley. Me too. I had to commute to four different states in five days to do stand-up comedy shows. I had to wake up at 5 a.m. to do local radio to promote the gigs then find time to nap at my hotel with a newborn baby with me. Wednesday night I have to take a red-eye flight back home to pick my eight-year-old up from school. Why are you stressed? Were the elevator buttons not bright enough? Forgot your middle name? Can’t figure out socks?”
“Chris and Jacqueline get home and discover that Ashley has cleaned her room and cleaned the kitchen. Their reactions are as if they just found out Ashley has the gift of flight.”
“In her interview, Ashley says, ‘I just want to be Carrie Bradshaw.’ You mean have awesome friends, drink your way across Manhattan and have sex with Chris Noth? Hell, so do I! Carrie Bradshaw had a job, Ashley. Another thing (judging by your interview) that Carrie Bradshaw had that you don’t is conditioner. I think Ashley is more like Terry Bradshaw.”
It looks like Jay Mohr’s not so much a fan of Ashley! We wonder how he feels about Ashlee?
Jay Mohr on Kathy Wakile & her husband, Richie:
“Joey climbs up onto the bull first and does a pretty good job staying on. Next is Richie who for some reason inexplicably takes an S&M mast out of his pocket and puts it on to ride the bull. This Kathy-Richie relationship is now starting to come into focus. Their storyline will end in either a bank robbery or a murder.”
Jay, where have you been all these seasons, and when will you start blogging about the other Housewives?!
Tell us, which of Jay Mohr’s lines is your favorite?
Tune in next week when The Real Housewives of New Jersey moves to its new day and time, Sunday, June 12th at 10|9c on Bravo!
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Photo Credit: Bravo