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Big Brother 13: Premiere Recap

July 07, 2011 07:56 PM by Ryan Haidet

52 cameras.  95 microphones.  One Chenbot.  That’s right!  Summer’s guiltiest pleasure is back for a brand new season with loads of twists and turns.  As Big Brother 13 opened, host Julie Chen revealed the widely publicized twist that three dynamic duos from former seasons would be joining the eight newbies in the house. That was just one of several turns in the game.  What else happened during tonight’s premiere?  What exactly is the new Golden Key all about?  Read on to find out!

Typical of every Big Brother season premiere, we got the corny introductions of all the new houseguests.  It’s always amusing to me to watch how phony they are to find out they have been selected to compete.  Anyway, here are the tidbits I took away from the short intros.

  • Dominic still lives at home with his mother and is a 25-year-old virgin.  He seems energetic and enjoys riding his motorcycle.  This kid has a true sense of humor and I think he’ll be very entertaining to watch.
  • Lawon has a huge personality and describes himself as being bold.  He likes bright colors and dresses up in crazy clothes.
  • Keith is a youth minister who was shown preaching in his church.  He revealed that his strategy (Keith’s Angels) involves grouping all of the women together to help him get to the end of the game.  Personally, I already can’t stand him.
  • Shelly seems the most real out of the entire bunch.  She was showcased with her hunting gear.  Her philosophy?  “Look like a lady, act like a man, work like a dog.”
  • Adam is a heavy metal fan who totally digs “90210.”  He called himself the heavy metal teddy bear who isn’t afraid to show off his feminine side.  I didn’t think I would like this guy, but I kind of do.
  • Kalia described herself as the real-life Carrie from “Sex and the City.”  She said she has the gift of gab and writes a sex blog.
  • Porsche is a party girl who described herself as hot.  She’s a VIP cocktail waitress and honestly, there doesn’t seem to be much more to her just yet.  I hope she doesn’t turn out to be as annoying as Rachel from last season.
  • Cassi…  Ummm…  Hmmmm…  Who?…

After gathering outside and getting basic instructions from Julie, they entered the house in two separate groups of four.  Once inside, they noticed there were 12 beds and 12 place settings, which had everybody wondering why there were only eight of them.  This seems a tad odd considering the total number of contestants is actually 14 with the returning duos.  Are they all just bad at counting, was this a bad editing error or is there something else we don’t know yet?

As is tradition on the first night, they all sat down in the living room and introduced themselves — many telling lies about their true lives.  Big whoop.

Dynamic Duos

Moments later, Julie popped on the screen and revealed the dynamic duo twist.  “Oh my gosh,” Shelly said as Julie revealed the details.  “You will be partnering and playing the game with someone in this room,” the Chenbot continued.  “Who you choose will be up to you, but make your choice wisely because the game has changed.  If you win Head of Household, you and your partner will be safe for the week.  But instead of nominating two individual houseguests for eviction, you will be nominating one duo.  That means, that duo will then be forced to campaign against each other in order to stay in the game.”  This is the point when Keith screamed at the TV saying this ruined his entire strategy of Keith’s Angels.  Dork.

As they quickly selected their partners, Keith didn’t hesitate by asking Porsche to be on his team.  Shelly and Cassi partnered up as did Adam and Dominic.  “I’m thinking to myself, ‘this is not a good situation,’” Dominic said in the Diary Room.  “If I say no, I might die right now.  If I say yes, I’m obviously going to be this man’s jail buddy.”  Kalia found herself partnered with Lawon by default, which she didn’t seem too happy about.

Who’s There?

After their teams were official, Julie came back on the screen and revealed they weren’t the only pairs playing the game.  The screen went black and the houseguests freaked out before agreeing to stick together.  Moments later, the doorbell rang as Rachel and Brendon walked inside the house.  YUCK!  “Are y’all ready for double trouble?!?!” Rachel shouted.  In her same annoying voice that we all grew to hate last season, Rachel told the new cast members that she and Brendon were engaged.  Kalia said in a confessional that Rachel’s boobs are so big they’re like their own houseguests.

Soon after, the doorbell rang again.  This time it was Jeff and Jordan who walked inside the house.  Their entrance brought a much different reaction from the new players.  Lawon was excited to see them and said he was in the company of Big Brother royalty.  Shelly was starstruck and said it was an honor to meet them.  On the other end of the spectrum, Dominic was admittedly freaking out about the whole situation because he didn’t know what would be coming next.

Then the doorbell rang again.  This time it was father-daughter team Evel Dick and Daniele.  “Oh my God” Shelly exclaimed as he jaw dropped.  Dick said there is no other reason to be in the house, but to win the game for a second time.  In a confessional, Adam said Evel Dick is one of the main reasons he wanted to be on the show.  “It was like Tori Spelling walked through the door.  Evel Dick was my favorite player of all time, then all of a sudden I’m like, “I gotta play against him?!?!’”

Once he sort of settled in the house, Dick introduced himself as the only previous winner back in the game.  They all instantly corrected him and pointed in Jordan’s direction who also claimed the top prize.  Dick apologized before rushing upstairs to look around.  This is when he admitted that he and Daniele haven’t spoken to one another in three years.  This was clearly showcased as the two sat in the Diary Room together.  Dick did all the talking and she just sat there awkwardly.  Are they for real or playing a brilliant strategy?  I’m hoping it’s the latter because I really like both of them.

Going Bananas!

The first HoH competition involved the contestants hanging from giant bananas in the backyard.  The last person standing would win the first HoH of the summer.  Although the newbies felt like it was extremely important for one of them to win the competition, they couldn’t hang on long enough.  Instead, the final three came down to Rachel against Dick and Daniele.  This is when Dick decided he wanted to cut a deal with Rachel.  She told them to fall off and she would spare them from nominations this week.  Dick dropped off quickly while Daniele, clearly more apprehensive of Rachel, took a little while longer to follow suit.

Not only did this challenge set a horrible precedent for the season with Rachel’s irritating nature in charge, but it revealed how gross she is.  When commenting on the whipped cream that was fired at them while they were hanging on the bananas, Rachel said, “It’s all well and good riding a big banana — and then you get shot with whipped cream in the face.”

Another Twist

Just when they thought all the twists were over for the night, Julie came back on the living room screen shortly after they all re-entered the house after the challenge.  This time the twist comes with nominations.  “Being nominated for eviction this summer will be both a blessing and a curse,” she explained.  “As in the past, one houseguest will be evicted, but a huge advantage awaits the houseguest who survives the chopping block.  It’s called the Big Brother Golden Key.  The Golden Key guarantees you a spot in the top 10.  Anyone who survives eviction in the first four weeks of the game cannot be nominated until only 10 of you remain in the house.  And because the holder of the Golden Key cannot be evicted, they will not participate in any competitions during that time.  However, they will vote for eviction.”

She left the houseguests with that info to chew on — Jordan needed a little more time to grasp the concept.  Some things never change.  It’s going to be an interesting summer.

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Topics: Big Brother, CBS Reality TV Shows |

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