June 04, 2012 10:28 PM by Melissa Stavarski
Hell’s Kitchen kicks off its tenth season tonight on Fox. Do any of these egomaniacs have what it takes to impress superstar Gordon Ramsay? Based on the number of beeped out swear words, inedible dishes, and disgruntled patrons on tonight’s premiere, the jury is still out! Keep reading to find out who messes up the scallops!
To kick off the night, Clemenza offers up an arm and a leg to win. Then Chef Scott Leibfried asks whom is willing to shave their head to prove their commitment. Clemenza is silent in the back of the line. Apparently, Clemenza values his hair more than his limbs.
Hands start to go up. Scott shaves two heads. Danielle is called out next and she nearly dies. Gordon Ramsay enters and saves her golden locks. He sends the 18 hopefuls to the kitchen to prepare their dishes. Turns out, the barbershop challenge is staged. Shocker.
Brian thinks Ramsay is going to dig him. He promptly irritates him with his whistling. Off to a great start, Brian. Keep it up!
We meet Kimmie. She’s from Nutbush, Memphis, Tennessee. Two points for being from a place called Nutbush and three points for being just offensive enough to be interesting. That one is going to bring the drama this season, for sure.
Gordon tells them this season’s winner of Hell’s Kitchen isn’t going to be just “any” head chef but “his” head chef! The winner will be head chef at Gordon Ramsay Steak in the Paris Hotel, Las Vegas. Certainly, the stakes (ha!) are higher this season.
One male contestant, with zero inflection in his voice, says, “Working for Chef Ramsay is the cat’s meow. If you don’t get excited about that, you’re dead inside.” Way to sell your excitement, longhaired man.
Highlights from the signature dish challenge:
Ramsay tells Robyn her dish is delicious and seasoned perfectly. Praise from Ramsay is like the best orgasm ever, says Robyn. She’s declared the winner and does an obnoxious dance with her half-missing obnoxious hair.
Tiffany wants to prove she’s not just a dumb blonde that looks really good. There’s a flash mob of eye rolls across America. Ramsay says her dish resembles a wet diaper. Kimmie quotable, “I just don’t understand what goes through these blonde <beeps> heads.” Guy repeats to Ramsay no less than 76 times that his dish is not good and not suitable for eating. He’s the poster child for self-confidence.
Meanwhile, it’s a good thing the dishes are covered, because Clemenza chokes up his left lung in the background. He’s working on the right lung when Ramsay asks him if he needs to see a medic. He insists he’s fine.
We meet Royce. His resume is impressive and Ramsay declares his dish delicious, but he reeks of douche. To drive home that stench, he poses for the camera and asks, “You like me now?” Moving on…
Nutbush Kimmie presents her dish. Ramsay doesn’t even taste it, because whatever southern dish she prepares is not fit for Vegas. Apparently, you can take the girl out of Nutbush but you can’t take Nutbush out of the girl.
Dana is confident. Rightfully so, as she rocks the scallops. Tavon is a head chef at 22 years old. Ramsay’s impressed, until he tastes the dish.
The ladies win the signature dish challenge. Whoa! Is this a first?
The women are off to a dinner prepared by season 3 winner Rock Harper and season 6 winner Dave Levy. The men have to clean the kitchens to prepare for dinner.
Tavon is flabbergasted, because he’s wearing white skinny jeans! Come on, Ramsay. Everyone knows you cannot wash dishes while wearing white skinny jeans.
While the women are enjoying their dinner and booze, the men are studying the dinner menu. Ending the night, the men are confident and the women are half-baked.
Highlights from the dinner service:
Hell’s Kitchen is booked solid, and the guests are hopeful they’ll get to eat. A little tip for you all – If you ever book a reservation atHell’s Kitchen, hit up a drive thru on your way.
In the red kitchen, Roshni is attempting the scallops. They’re raw and squishy. In the blue kitchen, the men are asked to make Caesar salad. Royce is missing anchovies. Pandemonium ensues in Royce’s world. Guy, who was responsible for prepping the salad station, is like, dude, are you serious? He says, “Get your <beep> <beep> and get the <beeping> anchovies.” Royce cries ambush.
Roshni’s third attempt at scallops earns her a “Get out!” from Ramsay. Barbie takes over the scallops. Does anyone know why Dana, who rocked the scallops in the first challenge, isn’t assigned to scallops? Seriously. Thanks to Barbie, the red team sends out the scallops to the diners.
Tavon’s squab legs are raw. Raw! Justin is the next one crying foul. His scallops are broken. Baby chef Tavon ruins the scallops in prep. When questioned and berated by Ramsay, Tavon laughs in Ramsay’s face, earning him a “Get out!” He calls Ramsay a douchebag in front of the camera.
Watching Hell’s Kitchen suggests cooking scallops is a nearly impossible feat. Fifteen seasons of ER made brain surgery look easy. If given the choice right this second, we’d totally choose brain surgery.
Royce refers to himself in the third person – Royce can make squab. Royce can make anything. Apparently, Royce can make everything but spaghetti. His crunchy spaghetti gets him kicked out. Clearly, the spaghetti sabotages him. After two hours in the kitchen, the rest of the blue team is kicked out and the kitchen is shut down.
The women are putting out their appetizers steadily. Their guests are fed and happy, then the wellington crumbles their operation. One slab of meat after another is raw. Ramsay screams, “Raw! Raw! Raw!” They, too, are shut down!
Gordon Ramsay shuts down both kitchens, orders pizza for the famished crowd. Ramsay to the blue team, “You sucked!” They lose. The men talk about nominations. It’s a toss-up between Tavon and Royce or Tavon and Don. Royce is still crying about anchovies and sabotage. Don is blindsided by the mention of his name.
Patrick presents the nominees for elimination to Ramsay as Tavon and Don. Ramsay is just as surprised to hear Don’s name as Don is. Ramsay declares them crap nominations and self-nominates Tavon and Royce. Tavon accepts responsibility for his shortcomings. Royce – can you guess? – cries sabotage.
Ramsay says, “Royce! Back in line!” Tavon is the first victim of the Hell’s Kitchen. He heads back to his esteemed career as
executive chef Happy Meal packer.
What do you think RTVM – did the right chef go home?
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Photo credit: fox.com