July 04, 2012 07:01 PM by Martha Zaborowski
Jessica has decided to allow her ex-husband Jose Canseco to move back in with her. But it’ll just be completely platonic between them—he’ll be her cabana boy, and she’ll get her vaginal rejuvenations elsewhere. That sounds like a totally feasible idea! Jessica decides to check in with a therapist about her plan just in case (*sigh* to another therapist on reality TV). The therapist of course thinks Jessica’s plan is totally cray-cray, but before Jessica can change her mind herself—Jose bails on his idea on moving back in with Jessica and their daughter by announcing that he is moving to Boston for work. What kind of work can Jose be doing in Boston? When I imagine Jose’s career at this point, I predict an endless career loop of filming shows like The Surreal Life and putting a few coins into his piggy bank from his Sponsored Tweets fund. Jessica is upset with Jose, and Mayte calls him a douchebag. Oh and PS: he proposed to Jessica with his pinky ring years ago. (Douchebag, indeed!)
Nicole may not have been proposed by Eddie Murphy by a pinky ring, but he did just sit on her bed and handed her a box with a big ring. (C’mon, Eddie, you could have at least channeled a romantic character from one of your movies. Prince Akeem of Zamunda?) Nicole does love jewelry and has designed her own collection. She’s very dedicated to obtaining the right pieces and has to drive to a potentially unsafe location to pick up some beads. Not to worry—she brings Mayte’s friend “Big Sexy” for protection, who ironically does not uphold either phrase in his nickname. (Medium Homely would be better.)
Confession: I almost typed “Whitfield” after Sheree’s name. Sorry, force of habit from The Real Housewives of Atlanta blogging days (RIP #ShebySheree). But this is She-REE we’re talking about, and Sheree Fletcher is a totally different woman. First, she’s a bad mamma jamma. Second, her husband is a handsome preacher man. Third, and perhaps most importantly, Sheree Fletcher is the creator of WHOOP-ASH, a body butter for dry, ashy skin. (I capitalize the letters to obviously indicate its utter amazingness.) Thank you Hollywood Exes for not (yet) releasing a) wine or liquor b) a music single and/or c) a cookbook. But in all seriousness, this product has been in development by Sheree since at least 2009, so this is no rush job to make money. In fact, it’s because of how serious she is about developing this product, in addition to other very important factors (like her son), that makes it difficult for Sheree to regularly visit her husband in San Diego where he works. Hopefully they can work it out.
Most of the episode focuses on one of the sadder parts of Mayte’s life: the loss of her newborn baby with Prince. Drea can’t help but tear up (along with myself and probably many other viewers) when Mayte talked about people going up to her excitedly in the grocery store to ask her about her baby, unknowingly shortly after her son’s death. Mayte is beautiful on the inside and out, and here’s hoping she receives everything she wants and needs.
Andrea is an interesting reality television character: she’s light-hearted and funny and says things like #babyhair and #checkyaemail that make us laugh, but she is also super-sensitive and a big crier. This is not a bad thing, but I can’t help but notice that Andrea cries a lot on Hollywood Exes. She cries with Mayte. She cries when she thinks about Chicago. She cries because “all she wants to do is dance.” I just find this woman to be reality television gold: She’s a catchphrase queen, she’s a crier…now all she has to do now is a flip a table, and she’ll be the perfect reality television specimen. (Just kidding, Drea!!! Don’t ever change!)
What did you think of episode 3 of Hollywood Exes?
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Photos courtesy of VH1