July 04, 2012 06:01 PM by Martha Zaborowski
The Hollywood Exes are back on VH1 for episode 2. Does Jessica Canseco move back in with ex-husband Jose? Will Mayte Garcia find a princely man whose favorite color isn’t purple? And how many times does Andrea Kelly say “check ya e-mail?” Read on to find out!
OK; I lied, I’m not going to tell you how many times Andrea Kelly says her catchphrase “check ya e-mail” in this episode–but, rest assured, it was a lot. What does it mean to check one’s e-mail? Is it kind of like “you know what time it is” and “check yourself”? I’m not sure, but it makes me feel like I too can be an empowered female if I tell you to check your e-mail. Andrea also likes to say “baaaaby bye,” which makes about much sense as “bloop bloop bloop,” but is a million times cuter.
Andrea has a bit rough time the first half of the episode (acknowledging she was a phantom wife to R. Kelly and having a subsequent emotional breakdown with Prince’s ex Mayte Garcia), so she decides to lighten things up by throwing a wiggin’ out party with her assistant Tony. A wiggin’ out party consists of wearing wigs and getting into the wig’s character. The ladies aren’t very good at this, Drea notices while she is straight up “Flodene” in a long blonde wig. Baaaby bye.
Jessica shows up in brunette wig…and she is basically the exact same person as she is a blonde. You know, talking vaginal rejuvenations, pretending to want to move back in with her ex-husband Jose Canseco for the sake of their daughter Josie, offending the preacher’s wife Sheree Fletcher…stuff like that.
Sheree is still unamused by Jessica and says things like “Jessica needs Jesus.” But I would be pretty annoyed with Jessica too. I mean, she told Sheree she doesn’t need to worry about getting a vaginal rejuvenation because Sheree is with a black guy. Inappropriate. Jessica clarified her remark on Twitter, saying: “Trust me that whole scene didn’t come out right!! I was engaged to a black man that talked that nonsense!!! That’s why he is an ex!” OK then.
We meet Nicole’s mother, Ellen, in one of the first scenes of the episode and she is AMAZING. You know that cooking show about the heavy-set British women called “Two Fat Ladies”? Well, Nicole’s mom has their accent! Nicole talks to her about vaginal rejuvenation (apparently the hottest topic in ex-land), and Ellen wonders, “Now why would I want that plumped up? I got cobwebs up there.”
Mayte is not quite “Ellen” yet, but she is ready to find a man. Here’s the thing: she’s got The Symbol china. Purple soap. And you know, her mother and 10+ animals live with her. Ai dios mio.
Oh, and PS: Mayte is friends with Prince’s second ex-wife, Manuela Testolini! She appeared on camera and showed Mayte pictures of her baby with Halle Berry’s ex, Eric Benet. I love the Hollywood Exes; but at this rate, I’m almost ready for a show about Prince’s exes. Apollonia, Carmen Electra, where you at?
What did you think of this episode of Hollywood Exes? Who do you like watching on the show?
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Photos courtesy of VH1