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The Real Housewives Of Miami Recap: Star Island Or Bust

September 13, 2012 06:26 PM by Megan Thompson

The Real Housewives Of Miami season premiere airs tonight on Bravo. The new ladies are ready to prove why they are part of the elite Miami social scene.  Plus, learn why anyone who is anyone should own a mansion on Star Island.  

It’s the return of Marysol and Miami’s favorite “character” Mama Elsa.  The dynamic mother and daughter are taking some time off in the afternoon to go jewelry shopping together.  As they are looking at earrings, Mama Elsa shares that her plastic surgeon told her that her ears look like bananas!  Not really a compliment.  Not knowing which of the many plastic surgeons her mom goes to would say this, Marysol asks her.  “The one that destroyed my face,” her mom tells her.  Poor Mama Elsa!  No one can destroy Mama Elsa’s personality! The real gossip we learn from this shopping trip is that Philippe and Marysol are already separated.  Was Lea right about Philippe using Marysol for a green card?

Now we get to meet one of the newest housewives, Ana.  Ana is cooking a fabulous meal for her husband and her children.  This housewife is an attorney, but her real passion is cooking.  The family sits around the table and discusses how they are a “modern family.”  Ana and her husband (Robert) have been separated for two years, but they hang out all the time.  Yes, her husband might have a young girlfriend, but she doesn’t mind that for now.  FYI – she doesn’t care what anyone thinks about her relationship. 

Then we have Karent who brags about being a Columbian beauty who used to compete in beauty pageants.  But this housewife doesn’t sit at home and shop all day; she is the “dentist to the stars.” Besides an amazing job, Karent has a Latin soap star boyfriend.  “He is every woman’s dream, including mine,” she brags. After cuddling with her boyfriend in bed, Karent walks downstairs to join her parents for breakfast.  Mommy and Daddy live with their daughter, which is common in the Hispanic culture. It doesn’t hurt that Karent has a huge house, so there is plenty of room for everyone!

Lea is still on the show and is complaining about renovating her latest mansion – poor Lea.  When the market crashed, Lea bought another house on Star Island.  In case you are not familiar (too poor to know)  Star Island is the prime real estate in Miami and is super exclusive.  “Tear it down, it’s a disaster,” Lea complains to her realtor.  Then Lea demands her realtor to find out who just bought the house next to them, she hopes it’s not the Beverly Hillbillies. 

We get to meet another new housewife, Lisa.  Lisa is blonde, skinny, has huge boobs and is carrying an armful of shopping bags.  “Other people would describe me as spoiled, but that’s because they don’t know me.  If they knew me that would know that’s probably true,” Lisa jokes to the camera.  Not a surprise, Lisa is married to the self-proclaimed ”Boob God” of Miami and she is proud to be his walking business card.  And guess who Lea’s new neighbors are?  Yep, Lisa and her husband are moving to the exclusive Star Island. After talking about their new home, Lisa demands that her husband bring home some Botox tomorrow.  Lisa points to her forehead and shows him some non-existent line on her face that doesn’t move. 

Modeling a barely there black swimsuit, viewers are introduced to Joanna.  She might be a successful model, but she lets us know she has a strong voice.  Joanna is engaged to the owner of the hottest night clubs in Miami, but she still lives with her sister.  Miami is her favorite place to live because she loves being around beautiful people. During the shoot her sister tells her these photos are not for the cover, but for a spread inside the magazine.  Gasp! “I only upgrade, I don’t downgrade,” she tells her sister.  Joanna then calls her manager and in a complete diva moment explains that if the magazine doesn’t use the photos for the cover they don’t have the right to use the photos as all.  

Adriana is back for season two and so is her fiance Fredric. Fredric has a surprise for his woman, he has bought a yacht!  Don’t be jealous yet, because the yacht looks like he picked it up from the junk yard.  Fredric is restoring the old yacht and Adriana is not impressed. “I feel like I have arrived in the slums of Rio,” she says as she steps on the boat. But Adriana agrees to move onto the boat if Frederic makes room for her baby grand piano and builds her a walk-in-closet. 

Marysol stops by her mother’s house to see if there has been any news on Elsa’s missing dog, Napoleon.  Napoleon has been gone for 24 hours and Marysol is worried.  When Marysol arrives, Napoleon comes bouncing out of the room.  “He probably took a Xanax and went into the closet,” Elsa tells her daughter.  When Elsa brings up the subject of Philippe, Marysol begins to tear up and walks away.  Elsa is so upset that her housekeeper has to sing to her (just like you would a baby) so that she calms down – it was very weird.  Then before Elsa can apologize to her daughter she releases her bad energy in a pile of rocks and sand that she has on the table.

Lea is complaining to Adriana about her crappy mansion on Star Island. Let’s just say, Lea would drop dead from a heart attack if she saw the state of Adriana’s “yacht”.  During this conversation Adriana tells Lea about her friends who are moving to Star Island – the Boob God. “I want to meet them!” Lea demands of Adriana.

Marysol hops into a limo and kisses Ana and Alexia. Yes, Alexia from season one.  We learn that Alexia hasn’t been around lately because her son was in a terrible car accident.  All the ladies are meeting at a food and wine festival to get to know each other better; and so Lea can meet her new Star Island neighbor. Let’s just say the two don’t hit it off very well.  Lisa feels Lea is snubbing her at the party – and she kinda did.  But the real drama happens when the crowds get to be too much for Elsa and she faints!  Poor Elsa hits the floor and has to be escorted out by an ambulance.  “How embarrassing, I want to die,” are Mama Elsa’s words as she is being carried away on a stretcher.

Let us know what you thought about the new season of The Real Housewives Of Miami.  Do you think this season is going to sizzle or flop?  Let us know, leave a comment below.

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Photo courtesy of Bravo

Topics: Bravo Reality TV Shows, The Real Housewives Of Miami |

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