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Jessa Duggar Offers Advice For Women Considering Courtship

March 11, 2014 05:00 PM by Stephanie Gustafson

TLC

Jessa Duggar hit headlines last year when she announced that she was courting Ben Seewald. As the 19 Kids And Counting star has made clear, courtship is a far cry from the usual dating routine. Jessa won’t even kiss her dream guy until her wedding day!

The Duggar family’s Facebook fans find it very refreshing to see young women opting for a very different path than what viewers usually witness on reality television. Given her decision to enter into a supervised courtship with Ben Seewald, Jessa Duggar certainly exemplifies this unusual reality approach. And now that she’s been in a courtship for several months, Jessa has plenty of advice to offer other young women.

During a recent appearance on Good Morning America, Jessa and her sisters shared a few tidbits for single ladies looking to find Mr. Right. Jessa explained that courtship was a great option for anyone hoping to escape the casual dating game. “Courtship is a new season of life. It’s exciting. We call it dating with a purpose and not just frivolous, really considering the person as a potential life partner.”

Jill agreed with Jessa, adding that it was important for young women to really think hard about the qualities they wanted to see in a prospective husband. “Is he going to be a good father? Is he slow to anger?”

Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar definitely approve of Jessa’s beau Ben Seewald; as such Twitter followers are hoping that their courtship will eventually lead to another Duggar wedding.

What do you think of Jessa Duggar’s courtship advice? We know you have an opinion and we want to hear it, so feel free to sound off in the comments section below!

MORE ON THE DUGGAR FAMILY
Josh Duggar Sounds Off On Phil Robertson Controversy
Michelle Duggar Shares Top Tips For A Successful Marriage
Jim bob And Michelle Duggar Express Support For Tennessee Abortion Legislation

Photo Credit: TLC

Topics: 19 Kids And Counting, TLC Reality TV Shows |

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38 Comments »

38 Responses to “Jessa Duggar Offers Advice For Women Considering Courtship”

  1. auto Says:
    March 11th, 2014 at 6:38 pm

    its a bit much not to at least have a kiss but im all for courtship. my hubby and I courted for 3 months and then got engaged and married the same year. dating and courtship are different things America. get the facts.

  2. Julia Says:
    March 12th, 2014 at 6:33 am

    If she’s fine with still being controlled by her parents as an adult at the age of 20, then she has been brainwashed from birth. Scary what a religion can do to you. I only watch the show hoping that one of those kids breaks out. No, I don’t mean with a Lindsay or Miley or Amanda break out, but with a normal, everyday, REAL life. But hey! If this is happiness for them, then that’s OK. Sad, but OK.

  3. kjer Says:
    March 12th, 2014 at 6:38 am

    I think she did get the facts…straight from the Word of God. She is trusting in the Lord to guide their relationship. I find it very pleasing to read a young girl out there is sticking to values that are rare these days. More girls should follow the example and see that sustaining from “the normal” dating scene. This couple is putting the Lord first and I KNOW there will be great blessings to follow because of their commitment to him first and foremost before they commit to each other. Best Wishes to the two of you.

  4. Mo Says:
    March 12th, 2014 at 6:39 am

    The most romantic wedding I ever went to was a couple that had every date chaparoned and did not kiss until the minister said, “You may kiss the bride” three years later. She went weak in his arms for her first kiss, and they received a standing ovation for the example they set. It was beautiful!!! And I rave about that wedding so much, my daughter wants the same thing! Go Jessa!!!

  5. Live01 Says:
    March 12th, 2014 at 6:43 am

    I admire her beliefs, because more young people should court first, and get to know the person you are with.

  6. kjer Says:
    March 12th, 2014 at 6:46 am

    Mo-you painted the visual so well in your comment, I could just picture it. Wish I would have been to this wedding too. Thanks for sharing.

  7. Katie Says:
    March 12th, 2014 at 6:51 am

    I think its very refreshing to see people giving respect to love, relationships and marriage. And no I didn’t do courtship but to be honest I wish I did!! They are saving everything for that one person. The one that they are going to kiss, hold, have children with and grow old with. There is nothing more romantic then that!!!

  8. Blogger Says:
    March 12th, 2014 at 6:59 am

    The Duggars are the only moral family I have ever seen in the white race. Why do white women let men use them for s@x like that?

  9. BEVERLY Says:
    March 12th, 2014 at 7:55 am

    I really did not mean to click on this. Once I did I read it and I am once again amazed at the trash people watch on tv. This family is their very own cult. I feel so sorry for the children in this family. It really creeps me out when I see people who “admire” them. Good Grief most everyone who has experienced their “first kiss” went weak at the knees. Doesn’t mean they should get married. I had a friend growing up who was like these people and guess what she has been married and divorced three times! I have been married once and it has lasted 45 years. And I had other boyfriends first. That helped make me know my husband was the right man for me. People need to live in the real world. The Duggers have hurt those kids as much as a parent who is a drug addicted person who doesn’t properly feed or care for their kids. There is more then one way to raise kids with garbage.

  10. Sara Says:
    March 12th, 2014 at 11:37 am

    I think this should be her choice. In reality, it isn’t her choice. She was raised under constant control and it never seems to occur to her (or women like this) that her parents could be wrong.

    Why is her father so obsessed with controlling who his daughters have sex with? In my view, it seems just awful that her parents expend so much energy obsessing over their daughters’ sex lives.

    From the time that they were born their parents had tons of sex and raised their daughters that their father had to approve of any many they courted and the man they married. They prevent any type of sexual activity from taking place.
    If that isnt controlling their sexuality, what is it?

  11. Rebecca Says:
    March 12th, 2014 at 8:36 pm

    This is to the extreme! Girls like this make me want to throw some culture at them. While I think she has a good head on her shoulder’s and deciding to not bone every guy she finds attractive is a good thing the rest of it is just stupid! There is no way in that you can REALLY get to know someone by only seeing them under supervision, like seriously are you 12 years old!! Grow up already!! There is no doubt in my mind that these kids have been brainwashed beyond control. I would be beyond embarrassed to be apart of that family and to fully admit to the world that I am as old as she is and still a virgin! I hate people like the Dugger’s who think that they are better then everyone else just because they are SO “Religious.” More like closet freaks.

  12. Nat324 Says:
    March 12th, 2014 at 9:04 pm

    I think it’s great that these 2 young people are taking sex and the physical out of the equation until they are married. With the divorce rate today being over 60% and all the unmarried people out there making babies without ever thinking of the family aspect of child rearing, it’s nice to see couples who really want to get to know each other before marrying and popping out another baby.

  13. Ana Says:
    March 12th, 2014 at 9:29 pm

    I wouldn’t take any advice on dating from miss Duggar and wouldn’t subject my siblings and/or future children to her “advice”. To not be able to kiss your boyfriend/girlfriend/future spouse until your wedding is ridiculous as are their “courtship” limitations they put on their ADULT daughters.The Duggars views on marriage and partnership are equally such-This poor young woman has been brainwashed into thinking her only value in life is to produce as many children as physically possible and be subservient to her “husband” aka her turkey baster.

  14. Paul Says:
    March 12th, 2014 at 9:32 pm

    Good for you Jessa! There are plenty of people out there who desire acceptance and complicity by dragging others into their cesspool or else be branded as “holier than thou” or “judgmental”. Freedom isn’t doing anything one desires (that’s license) but doing the things that are right and good. There are also plenty of those same people out there who will challenge the notion of right and good by trying to blur the lines desiring that you will join them in their cesspool or not notice that there is a cesspool. Those people think there is safety in numbers (aka “everyone’s doing it”).

  15. Alan Says:
    March 13th, 2014 at 3:33 am

    Whatever floats your boat. I’m just saying that you wouldn’t buy a pair of shoes unless you try them on. Last place you want to find that you made a mistake is on your wedding night. No I think this is going backward. What we really need to do as a society is to get over the sexual hang-ups we have. Sex is as normal as falling in love, so get over it. No one becomes less valuable if they experience sex before marriage, with the marriage partner or in a previous relationship. What’s important is what happens after you make a marriage commitment to another. It’s the mature rational thing to do. Frankly I am sick and tired of us holding these kind of people above the rest and saying they are holier than thou. And nothing guarantees these people will last together a lifetime or even three months. Many times the feeling of missing out on something comes to haunt a relationship like this down the line.

  16. reason Says:
    March 13th, 2014 at 5:02 am

    I read all these comments and you people are real whores. why is a bad thing that she has never been kissed. she can see other people and probable has, but she hasn’t kissed anyone. theres nothing wrong with that. I wish I could’ve still been a virgin when I met my husband. we would have been able to give that gift to each other, but instead we both threw it away like we were worthless. Virginity is a gift and you should mourn it once its gone.

  17. Maria Says:
    March 13th, 2014 at 5:12 am

    Wonderful!!!!
    Praise God

  18. Mf Says:
    March 13th, 2014 at 5:26 am

    Courtship encourages Self Control. Self control is a very Wise and difficult practice for every human being. Good for her!!

  19. mmmmmhmmmm Says:
    March 13th, 2014 at 5:40 am

    kissing is verboten but finger blasting is totally cool.

  20. RDee Says:
    March 13th, 2014 at 5:43 am

    I find it interesting that the few who have posted with thoughts that courtship is a problem, have painted the picture as “controlling”. I don’t watch the show, so I don’t even know the family that way (as unrealistic as it would be to claim to know the family from tv). Still, I know that courtship doesn’t equal control. I don’t mean that it can’t be a controlling situation. Sex is often used as a means of control, but that doesn’t mean every situation with sex is one of control.
    I have friends who courted — only holding hands at engagement — and only kissing on their wedding day. The have a very successful marriage. I know of other couples who courted and did not date. They also have very successful marriages. Some of them had dated before making a choice for a new way of doing things. They expressed a new and greater freedom found in courtship versus their previous dating experiences.
    Sara — What is so wrong about not having sex before marriage?

  21. Ashley P Says:
    March 13th, 2014 at 5:44 am

    Courtship is a wonderful thing! I did the dating scene in high school. It led to two cases of heartbreak. When my grandmother’s best friend (and incidentally, mine at the time) set me up with her son, I was skeptical. Even if we didn’t end up together, she at least wanted me to get him out of his shell, since he was unbearably shy. I didn’t like him at first. Found him incredibly boring. But he was persistent, and I eventually decided to give him a shot. He came over every Saturday for dinner, and to play board games or watch movies or whatever. We both decided early on that we had marriage in mind, and we built our relationship on the foundational hopes that we would end up married. We weren’t going out just for the sake of “going out” or having a relationship. Marriage was pretty much always the end goal.

    My grandmother supervised our visits, but gave us enough room to interact with each other. You’d be surprised the love notes you can pass while playing hangman. (I still have a notebook full of those.) While we didn’t wait until our wedding for our first kiss, we did both marry as virgins.

    Ten years after we first got together, we have been married 6 1/2 years and have a beautiful baby boy. I’m glad my mother-in-law set us up, and I’m glad my grandmother was there to make sure we didn’t fall into temptation. And I’m especially glad that we worked on our marriage intentionally, from the very beginning. My husband is my best friend, and I can’t imagine my life without him.

    Courtship can be a wonderful thing. Don’t knock it if you haven’t tried it! :D

  22. Caroline Says:
    March 13th, 2014 at 5:44 am

    These girls were raised a to believe and trust in God. They are not controlled but are under control. They are exposed to the real world, they choose to live as they are. They are smart and indepentand enough to make their choice. I wish I had been like these ladies and that I had been like these parents to have raised my girls like this.

  23. Ernie Says:
    March 13th, 2014 at 5:45 am

    I totally agree with having good boundaries in place, especially during the courtship process. While some have already said that such kids are “brainwashed” by religion and do not have a “REAL life,” it would rather seem taht it is the no-boundaries, no-rules type which have been brainwashed. Even in sports, one must play by the rules, not go out of bounds, etc. If common sense is considered to be old-fashioned, then so be it.

  24. Joy Says:
    March 13th, 2014 at 6:41 am

    This is excellent advice and I’m happy to see someone setting an example. If young people would do this, the divorce rate would go down, and there would be a lot less unhappinesss, std’s, and mixed up children in the world. Kudos to the Duggars for raising such responsible children!

  25. Heather Says:
    March 13th, 2014 at 7:25 am

    I like to think we still live in a free country where the word, “CHOICE” is applicable. People seem so bitter and unhappy when they attack someone like this poor girl who simply offers an alternate CHOICE to sleeping around before marriage. I have held the hands of too many girlfriends who have been dumped flat by a guy they slept with promising a future of a solid, relationship leading to marriage. Reminds me of the old, “why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?” it can still apply to some out there.

    I am a young, very attractive and intelligent girl. I CHOOSE to wait until marriage, mostly because I RESPECT my body, my choices and my ability to make them. As long as my life partner is accepting of this why should I worry about the haters out there. I’m anything but CULT or BRAINWASHED. I think the brainwashing comes in when people follow the trend of these insipid girls on TV shows who bounce from bed to bed. I think it’s simply trashy and NASTY. Get those used up girls, enjoy! However, it IS their CHOICE so be it.

    I refuse to debate any religious convictions regarding these choices to this “hateful” crowd of bitter people. LET IT BE. You live your life, let others live theirs. I see great happiness in the future of this girl who is standing behind her choices. Good luck with all the hate-filled people who can’t accept any choice but their own. GET OVER yourselves.

  26. Heather Says:
    March 13th, 2014 at 7:30 am

    PS please refrain from calling girls who have chosen an alternate path, “whores”. That gives no weight to debating this subject. I’m sure they are not. Again, “CHOICE” respect each person for theirs and don’t jump on the band wagon of name-calling. It only makes your argument look ignorant and hateful.

    Heather.

  27. Britt Says:
    March 13th, 2014 at 7:34 am

    I don’t believe this one bit. I’ve been in a happy and committed relationship for 4 years and I know him better than anyone because of our intimacy, it allows us to see each other like no one else can. It does not diminish out relationship. How can you really be sure that you know someone. Anyhow some women who casually date aren’t really looking for long-term, flings are fun and not everything is about marriage and having children. Women can live completely fulfilled and happy lives without a nuclear family.

  28. Lulu Says:
    March 13th, 2014 at 7:34 am

    Way to go, Jessa! Way to go, Dugger parents, for teaching your kids the right way! Keep up the good work..

    And to all those who think the kids are being controlled, not so! They have a choice who they will court, it doesn’t mean this will be ‘the one’, it means they are getting to know eachother. Get it straight!

    I was courted by my first, which happened to become my husband after 3.2 years.. We did kiss, however, atleast a few times. But we were always chaperoned. A GOOD THING!! And I’ve been married for 26 years & still going strong.

    Sad that so many people confuse good morals, moral character and moral parents as being in a ‘cult’ instead. I’m confused–Isn’t that better than letting your kids run around with every one and ANY one who they feel like, don’t know where they are, until what time they are out..AND they are having sex before marriage with who knows but that’s all good? It’s ok to get pregnant as a teen and have your parents raise those children.. OR better yet, get pregnant and give up those babies for adoption..so much better, right? Now that’s just plain not having a brain!!!!

    I prefer rule. My children, ages 24, 23, AND 19 prefer rules..They like it this way. And thanks to those rules my 24 year old was just married to his sweetheart of more than 8 years!! That’s right.. and my daughter, 23, still is looking for the right man. And my 19 year old son, wants a nice Christian girl WITH RULES to marry! Not a loosy floosy that jumps his bones from the moment they are alone in a car.

    Please people! Teach your children right. Show them how to respect themselves and those they are with. If you give respect, you will receive it. If you don’t, then don’t expect to have someone who genuinely cares and loves you and respects you.

    Just read the Word of God. This is where you will find all the answers to how you should live your life. Don’t listen to what anyone says, just read it and you will know. It will never guide you down the wrong path. IT WILL SHOW YOU THE WAY, THE TRUTH,,,AND ABOVE ALL, THE LIFE!!

    God bless the Dugger family!

  29. tina Says:
    March 13th, 2014 at 8:00 am

    Honestly….with all of the real issues going on in this world….WHO CARES…to each their own. brain washed or not. I have never watched the show….But I ask…How spiritual are they really to profit off of a bunch of bored American watching their TV show….Live your life however you feel fit…But for GODS SAKE…STAY OFF THE DAMN TV!

  30. Sara Says:
    March 13th, 2014 at 9:42 am

    RDee- I never said there was anything wrong with waiting until marriage to have sex. Don’t put that into my mouth.

    What I said was that I find it disgusting that this man is so obsessed with his daughters sex life that he spends so much time and effort policing their vaginas. Only the man he selects can have sex with his daughters. When people do that in Saudi Arabia people in America go crazy. This is in effect an arranged marriage.

    I find monogomy to be a beautiful thing. However, it is red flag that in order to enforce this lifestyle on his children, they are “shielded” from the world. Isolation is an abuse and control mechanism. That is an established fact.

    You cant use the bible to prove a biblical point. That is circular reasoning at best.

    If I write a book and call it a religious text, can I point to it to prove my religion? How do you know that it isnt the ordained scripture of your God? You dont.

    But I digress, These Duggars are abusive and controlling if the children really have a choice, why arent they raised, then set free in the world to determine their own path?

  31. Michael Says:
    March 13th, 2014 at 10:02 am

    What a great story and a great example. It saddens me to see how many women are on here denegrating her as being brainwashed, part of a cult or somehow improperly profiting from a reality TV show. Silly and unwise comments, to say the least. My wife and I did not become Christians until 19 and 20, and were both sexually experienced by that time. After dating people the “normal” and worldly way, we elected to pursue godly dating when we met each other at church around age 23. We had a pure dating relationship, and kissed for the first time on our wedding day. That was almost 15 years ago. Although we are very glad we chose to have a pure dating relationship, it was far from easy, and we were certainly tempted to be governed by our emotions at quiet moments when we found ourselves alone. Ultimately, our decision not to kiss before marriage was the right one for us, because we would have gone from 0 to 100 mph. in a heartbeat–given our past experiences. Were we “controlled” by others? No. We exercised self-control, based on what we found in the Bible, particularly in Galatians 5. Our regret is simply that we did not preserve our virginity until marriage for each other. Despite some great pre-marital counseling, we still have unnecessary baggage from those prior relationships that could have been completely avoided, had we read the Bible and gotten into God’s Word at an earlier age. We celebrate women like Jessa and hope our children (who already follow her family) choose to follow her example.

  32. Lorraine Says:
    March 13th, 2014 at 10:28 am

    An interest in sexual purity is rare, and is to be admired. That said, isolation from all sexuality, including kisses before marriage is the most dangerous thing I have ever experienced. People who think that if you “obey God” in this, you will be protected are not reading the whole Bible. I had my first kiss at the alter with my husband, who then kept me under date rape drugs without my knowledge for years while he pimped me out and abused me sexually. It took years for me to realize that my nightmares were real, and the church did not help me escape, since divorce was not Godly. Waiting until marriage to find out what a human will take from you when they get a chance is NOT a secure decision. Trusting in religious beliefs is not the same thing as trusting God. Courtship is a religious belief, not a command of God. People who love God (including me) are often getting themselves into hot water when they forget that there ARE wolves in sheep’s clothing right in the midst of their fellowship. I hope Jessa is safe in all that she chooses, and I hope that the isolation she grew up with does not make her the victim that it did me. Loving God and being called according to His purpose is not a guarantee of any kind of blessing. The Bible is full of people like Esther, Joseph, Job and let’s see, JESUS to show us that honoring God is not safe. My life is also a cautionary tale, and my faith in God is not lacking. Of course it is her choice to keep herself unaware of a huge side o the appetites the man she chooses will inflict upon her with the churches blessing for the rest of her life. I just hope she puts her trust in GOD and not in the belief that courtship will ensure her a safe and blessed sexual life. I will be praying for Jessa, that she will not have anything stolen from her and that her heart for what is right will not ever be abused by anyone, including those who “are teaching her what is right in the name of Jesus.”

  33. Jenny Says:
    March 13th, 2014 at 10:45 am

    I don’t see how her making a conscious decision not to kiss or have sex before marriage makes her part of a “cult” or “controlled” by her parents. She is an adult capable of making decisions for herself. Are the decisions she makes influence by the beliefs her parents taught her? Of course! But we all do the same. Whether the decisions we make are in opposition or agreement with the way we were raised they are still made. Some “rebel” from the way they were raised and make decisions on the opposite end of things. Others agree with the beliefs they were raised with and their decisions reflect that. If someone was raised to believe premarital sex was okay and so they sleep with their boyfriends/girlfriends because they agree with their parents no one would say they were being controlled or were part of a cult. So why is it the opposite if someone decides to abstain from sex before marriage because that’s how they were raised and they agree? Judging someone and calling them controlled and cultish because their values and morals differ from yours is you doing exactly what you accuse their parents of doing: trying to force your opinion on them and to make them agree with you. In essence, you’re trying to control them. Perhaps instead of judging them, realize and accept that you don’t agree with their lifestyle but that it’s theirs to lead however they choose. They are not condemning anyone for the life they lead, they are merely offering a different life for those who want it. They aren’t forcing their beliefs on anyone so other’s beliefs should not be forced on them.

  34. Edie Says:
    March 13th, 2014 at 11:18 am

    It is amazing how violently negative some responses are, how sad that they don’t get it. I have followed this family since they first appeared on TLC and yes the parents have raised their children to love God and to have a strong sense of morality but these kids are in no way brain washed or being overly “controlled”. They have been taught to love and value themselves and others they are all kind and considerate as well as the older kids all working at goals that make them positive productive members of society. Four wour with the voluntary EMT/fire dept. one is becoming a midwife another a doula and many have been involved in mission trips to South America and Asia.. Why does it upset the people who have made so many of the nasty remarks to see a girl embrace celibacy till marriage.

  35. RDee Says:
    March 13th, 2014 at 11:29 am

    Sara — Your response confuses me.

    1.) I haven’t seen the show, but I don’t see where Jessa is choosing chaperoned courtship because her father is controlling her or her choices. I did read that her parents do like the young man. I was very glad when my parents liked my young man, whom I married 22 years ago. I do want to like my future daughter- or son-in-law. Does make all the in-law relationships much better over the long haul.

    2.) Courtship, as Jessa has defined it, as reported in this article, is about waiting until marriage for sex and allowing time for the relationship to flower. You are upset with Jessa’s father for not letting her have sex with whomever she chooses. If Jessa is choosing this young man and waiting until marriage to have sex with him, then what are you upset about? (This is why I thought you were advocating for sex before marriage.)

    3.) While I am a follower in Jesus Christ, nothing in my post mentioned the Bible. To what Biblical reference do you refer in your post that replies to mine? In the US, you are free to determine whatever you would like as religion or scripture. (Have you heard of the religion of the Flying Spaghetti Monster?) As a follower of Christ, the Bible has an essential place in my faith and practice. In the US., you are free to make it so for you or not; I am free to make it so for me or not. Of course, whether the freedom was granted or not, each of us would still make our choices, even if we felt forced to hide them and otherwise keep them secret.

    4.) I hear how angry you are. I am sorry that you are so angry. I did not intend to add another reason for you to be angry. Please forgive me. I hope that you find peace and healing.

  36. Emil Says:
    March 13th, 2014 at 11:39 am

    My Wife & I will celebrate our 25th wedding anniversary this year. We were not virgins when we married, in fact we “knew” each other for 2 years prior to getting married. We have 2, our daughter is a junior in College & our son is a junior in High School. As parents, we have always tried to show them how to make good choices. I have always said, “do the RIGHT thing because it is the right thing to do”. Too often we (I) don’t give enough credit to young people, my kids included, so it’s encouraging to hear of a young person who feels so strongly about her future spouse & family that she is willing to take a more traditional approach – courtship. I admire her sticking to her convictions. Having said that, I don’t agree that having 19, 30, 100 kids is also the “right” thing, what with the impact humans have on this planet. However, bottom line is, Free Will! Freedom of choice is everyone’s God given right. We show our kids the way then let them choose their own path.

    No judgement, our choice was to have 2…

  37. Kamiko60 Says:
    March 13th, 2014 at 1:38 pm

    all to often i see people say the most foul things about people who believe in traditions, religion or doing the right thing. its okay for Snooky and the gang to act like a bunch of hormone induced whores on TV, but its not okay for someone to profess her love for her traditions, religion, and decency on TV? these girls attacking this young lady for her beliefs, look like bitter idiots. ;) Keep up the great work Jessa, and have a good life!

  38. monkeyman321 Says:
    March 13th, 2014 at 9:05 pm

    I have seen a bunch of weddings resulting from “kissless courtships” for lack of a better term. Some religious, some not, some with heavily influencing parents, several with little or no parental guidance in their life growing up. It is just a choice that people choose to make, and I applaud it. To suggest that this was pushed on them or brainwashed by their parents is an awfully huge assumption to make…

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